Since Sunday, I've been working on a long letter to send to John. Explaining my thoughts and feelings and the poly lifestyle etc. I held off on sending it though. One of the things he said to me when explaining what he wants was "I want someone that wants to be with just me." and "I want someone who wants to travel with me." Well- I do like travelling with John. So, instead of sending this really long letter that I've spent hours on, I sent a link for a Blues Cruise
. And, I got a response!! Granted, all he said was "Interesting!" but I still thought that was cool. I know communication is important in relationships, but I have been guilty in the past of overthinking and talking too much with a partner about our relationship. So, I've decided that sometimes it's best just to focus on HAVING a relationship by doing things together and enjoying each other's company!
So-Sunday was difficult, but Monday was better and today I feel almost normal. But, I do find that John is on my mind a LOT which is not something I'm used to. And I haven’t spoken to him since Sunday morning when he left my house. I sent a few text messages on Sunday, but he didn’t answer them.
My friend, Katherine was very supportive and she said “stay true to yourself”. She’s a social worker and I find her to be very self-aware and I respect her feedback and opinions.
I spoke with Charles and Richard about it and they were both supportive. On one hand, it seems I have lost John because I don’t think he will be able to open himself up to polyamory. He is so concerned with “the norm”. He has spoken to some of the people that he knows and they had negative feedback for him. What do you expect in the Deep South?? If he is basing his decision on what his friends and relatives have to say about it….well, there is no way.