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Old 05-05-2010, 12:47 AM
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maca maca is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 204

If you feel like you have been closer recently than you have in over a decade then why are you struggling?
My struggle is with a friendship with GG. LR and I are closer then ever not GG and I.

Are you two very different people struggling to find commonalities other than LR?
Yes, Im a guys guy he is not. Im a take charge guy , he is a wait and see guy. Im a protector he is the one that gets protected. We are very different.

It seems you should know what those are by now. Are you both competing about who has the best/closest relationship with LR?
I have to addmit that I do feel a competitive streak in regards to LR's attention. For 10 1/2 years I thought I had her full attention and in the last 7 months I have had to learn how to share it.

From reading this forum there is an indication you have equal footing so should feel confident in your relationship and status. Or are you feeling some other issue is making it a struggle with GG? Just state the problem with developing a friendship with GG.
The biggest thing holding me back is fear. LR and he hurt me more than anyone else ever has( with the affair) I loved LR then and I love her now so I have forgave her and I have let her back in close to my heart( knowing full well that she could hurt me again) I did not and do not "love" GG so letting him in close to my heart by forming a friendship more then just "buddies" scares the shit out of me and Im ( as I stated above) a protector. I even protect myself.

Is LR putting a "stop" to your relationship with her or is she telling you her happiness is only complete when the two of you are working to work it all out because when one of you is hurting then she is hurting and if one of you causes the hurt to the other then her hurt is doubled.
She is telling me that without GG and I being "friends" then she cant be happy with either of us. She has put a stop to a specific part of our relationship, she has not put a stop to our marriage. She has said she is "pulling back" As far as one of us hurting... I cant speak for anyone else but I can say that there has been no need or desire by GG or myself to push for more of a relationship between him and I. What happens is LR gets pissed because we are not friends, then he writes me an email saying how he wants to be friends, then I call a meeting and we talk about wanting to be friends, but nothing continues beyond that ( till the next time LR blows up).

But you have known eachother for years, is there something NEW that has arisen in the living dynamic that should cause a sudden frustration or struggle?
Known each other yes.Our living dynamic as it stands now is only 7 months old and over the last 7 months things change almost daily. So I cant pin point somthing that has changed because everything has been changing. Does that make sense?

If you are feeling like a switch that someone else has to turn on and off then maybe you need to look at ways you can be more proactive in making both relationships grow.
I was using the switch analogy in regards to the fact that I find it.........disappointing.... that anyone thinks that I can just turn off my feelings and turn off my role in there life. I didnt say that anyone had to turn me on or off. I dont operate that way.
" NO WORDDIES BE HAPPY"- My 2 year old baby girl
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