Originally Posted by Morningglory629
Is LR putting a "stop" to your relationship with her or is she telling you her happiness is only complete when the two of you are working to work it all out because when one of you is hurting then she is hurting and if one of you causes the hurt to the other then her hurt is doubled.
WOW! MG, I'm totally impressed that you *nailed* the situation perfectly... at least that aspect of it. What you wrote above is practically a direct quote from LR, which is amazing considering you're stated lack of experience in such a living arrangement. I was stunned when I read it, kudos for your intuitive insight!!!
My heart aches for all of you. You know how much I care about your family and I don't wish to be perceived as "taking sides" but rather trying to understand & support each member of your family as best as I'm able.
Perhaps this will help: You have two beautiful boys (A & D) that you love with all your heart, yes? And those two boys are *very* competitive with each other for the love of the adults in the family. D in particularly having gone to the extreme of hurting A & competing with him at every turn because he perceived that A had a higher "status" within the family.
You love them *both* even though they are extremely different in almost every way. You were torn, frustrated and hurt every time they competed with each other, hurt each other, fought with each other in an attempt to "win" your love. It was completely unnecessary... they both already had (and still have) a permanent place in your heart that no one could take away from them. But D's insecurities caused all kinds of behavior that put the entire family in total chaos. Sound familiar?
Did you honestly expect A & D to be inseparable, deeply bonded and "best friends" as some children (like my brother and I) are? No, that's unrealistic given the circumstances. However, wasn't your deepest desire for them to at least care for each other as brothers and help each other instead of hurting and competing with each other? If you had one wish for their relationship, wouldn't that be it? How would you feel if that were possible,
if they were mature enough to grasp that and work towards that goal? What would your family life look like if that were achievable?
Since it was not possible, wasn't a relationship put on "hold" because it was detrimental to the entire family NOT to do so? Until that one child could learn how to be loving and non-competitive and stop hurting everyone around him due to his insecurities...?? *ESPECIALLY* his brother??
It's not really very different from you & GG at all. When two people are part of a family, it doesn't really matter what their position in the family is... it hurts everyone who loves them when there is a lack of harmony and forgiveness
I thought the sermon we attended on Sunday spoke to just that very fact. We all spent that sermon thinking about a specific couple on the other side of the room - rather than thinking about how it might apply to our own personal lives instead. Perhaps you should listen to it again and contemplate forgiveness and your relationship w/GG instead?
Forgiveness. Consider that for a moment. In the case of A & D, A had never even *done* anything to D to deserve his animosity... other than be loved by you, LR, GG & E. In fact, it was the other way around... A had every reason
to be resentful & distrustful of D... But his sweet little soul wouldn't tolerate that, he gave brotherly love unconditionally despite the transgressions of the past. GG has never hurt you to the level that D attempted to hurt A. Is your 10-year-old son really
the most mature, compassionate, spiritually whole male in your household??? I don't think so, but he's the one who has chosen to walk the high road. I think his example should humble you. It humbles me just thinking about it.
P.S. For everyone else on the board, I apologize for being vague about details of the relationship between LR & Maca's sons - but I am respecting their privacy. LR & Maca may chose to share those details but it's not my place to do so.