View Single Post
Old 05-04-2010, 08:17 PM
LovingRadiance's Avatar
LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 5,510

Originally Posted by Morningglory629 View Post
Are you two very different people struggling to find commonalities other than LR?
They are different people, but they actually have a lot in common. There is a defensiveness that drives Maca to not want to find those similarities. He focuses on the differences, but they actually have a lot in common outside of myself and the kids.
Are you both competing about who has the best/closest relationship with LR?
Ding ding ding. There is a HUGE sense of competition and frankly it breaks my heart. I met Maca when I was 13. We lived in different towns so we didn't stay in touch. But I knew right then and there that if I was ever going to marry-it would be him.
I met GG when I had JUST turned 18. Right then and there he knew he was going to be devoted to me for life (not married, devoted).
Maca reappeared in my life just after I turned 23. I had JUST decided to move in with GG THAT DAY. I was STUNNED to see Maca and every emotion slammed into me like a freight train.
I love them both. Nothing-absolutely NOTHING will change that. 10 years apart didn't stop me from loving Maca-nothing will. GG and I have a friendship that just... how can I explain? There is a quote from Bram Stokers Dracula, "I've crossed oceans of time for you..." THAT is how our friendship is. We have, we would, we will.
Maca-I can't explain that one either. In the movie Robin Hood Prince of Theives there is a song, by Bryan Adams. The line, "Everything I do, I do it for you."... that song is SO my feelings for Maca. I would give him the sun and the moon.

I feel guilty-because what he thinks he wants isn't what is best for him, and it's not what's best for me either. I've tried to just "make him happy" but really it only makes us both miserable. So I can't do that anymore-I have to fight to do what is BEST for myself and I have to expect that he will do the same.

Or are you feeling some other issue is making it a struggle with GG?
He doesn't want to trust GG because GG and I had an affair. It's really that simple.

Is LR putting a "stop" to your relationship with her or is she telling you her happiness is only complete when the two of you are working to work it all out because when one of you is hurting then she is hurting and if one of you causes the hurt to the other then her hurt is doubled.
Exactly what I said. I told BOTH of them (not just Maca) that I simply can not be the loving passionate woman that each of them desire me to be when they aren't treating each other with kindness, love and respect.
IF they were both SERIOUSLY making an effort to resolve their differences that would be one thing.
But I asked and was told point blank, "we're never going to be good friends."
THAT IS FINE-it's their choice and their right to decide who their friends are.
But as I told them-WE ARE ALREADY A FAMILY. We have children together. There isn't any changing that. So it's far too late to decide you aren't going to learn to trust each other, respect and care for one another.
Playing little "one upmanship" games is not only disrespectful to each other-it's damaging to me AND all of our children. It's not fair to expect the kids and I to hang out while they continue this childishness. They are both grown men, they need to devote themselves to being the best men that each of them can be and to promoting the best environment for their family that they can-which will also require that they accept each other as teammates in this game called life and work AS A TEAM.

A team whose members are too busy trying to be the "star" are the teams that lose.

But you have known eachother for years, is there something NEW that has arisen in the living dynamic that should cause a sudden frustration or struggle?
Not really. The only "sudden change" is that I told them both I'm no longer going to enable them to continue this self-destructive behavior. It's OBVIOUS that the time they are spending focusing on ME is being taken advantage of to be used as an excuse for not working on themselves individually or their relationship with one another in the family.
SO I am taking back some of that time to focus on things I need to work on, and give them time to focus on what THEY need to work on.

If you are feeling like a switch that someone else has to turn on and off then maybe you need to look at ways you can be more proactive in making both relationships grow.
Jesus if you knew how often I've said that in a variety of ways! It's amazing how well it works. Every relationship I have that I've sought to help them improve their other relationships, has gotten deeper between myself and them. EVERY SINGLE ONE. Doesn't matter if they are a friend, a sibling or a lover. When you help someone improve THEMSELF and THEIR RELATIONSHIPS it generally improves YOUR relationship with them as well.

Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
I think everyone should ...but then again, it might just be time for me to leave
Well if you do leave-be sure to let us know where you go!
"Love As Thou Wilt"
Reply With Quote