It feels very good
More developments today folks.
J and I are working towards more progress. I am trying to understand some things about her. I have a couple of questions in my mind I need to remember to ask her tomorrow.
I have been rereading my posts since this whole thing has started. Wow did I have alot of anger when this first started. I didn't know which way to turn and it was so easy to blame everything in the world. I don't hate these people anymore. Well maybe L. I never like her. Never will. But the rest, not so much.
DH and J are having some problems tonight. I have decided to take care of the house and my daughter so they can have some time to work out their issues. And you know what? I am doing great. I am not happy that they are having an off night. But I feel good because I am doing this for them. LovingRadiance once said that a good way to feel better when you are having trouble is do something for someone else. Do something for the OSO. And I am trying to do that. And I do feel great.
DH asked me a few minutes ago what he could do to make her feel more loved. I know that was awkward but he really wanted a woman's point of view. I thought for a few minutes and came up with an idea. Now I am not going to say this now. But I will say we discussed it, laid out what we both knew about her and he was very happy that I was openly helping him with this. He wanted her to know that she was more than just a sex buddy. So I told him what we females like.
It felt wonderful to come up with a way to make my friend smile. I also have another confession to make. The other day I told J how I really felt about her. How far I have come. I told her she was like my sister now. I loved her and depended on her more than some of my own siblings.
I am feeling a real high the last couple of days by the progress I have made. I know I have had some real rough patches. But this whole compersion thing has been a good concept for me to grasp. I had never really heard about it and it feels like it is a small goal I can work on while I wait to really be ok with everything again.
I felt myself slipping a little today. I started getting scared again. But I remembered the advice I had been given. I remembered the smile on my husband's face when I was able to do things for the both of them and open my mind and let everyone feel free and relaxed. And that helped. Images of them being together threatened at the tip of my imagination. I pushed it out with ideas of my next lunch with J. Our next night of the three of us. My next date with DH. Wow, positive images are just as powerful, did you know that?
I want J to know, in case she reads this, her place is right here. She needs to stand beside her husband and beside my husband and me. She is an equal in my book. She wasn't before. I wanted to hate her. I wanted to scream and feel anger. And I did. But that was in the beginning. And people change. I have changed. She gave my DH and me a song to listen to today. I want to place the chorus lyrics on here. It is beautiful.
ive changed over time
and grew stronger in life
wont give up what is mine
but sometimes even angels fall down
ive done all this right
and ive won all these fights
i grew stronger in life
but sometimes we break down n fall apart
It's all very true. She is apart of this relationship that is mine now. I am sorry if this is sappy and a bit cheesy. But I feel really good tonight. Because I was able to help come up with a way to make her feel loved and wanted. Just as she has done for me. I have won fights, with both of them by my side. I fall down sometimes and say things out of hurt and anger. And I have no doubt I am not finished doing so. I will still have my rain storms and will still need to pull over to the side of the road. But as long as I have my family and my friends, her being a very strong part of that, I will get back up.
And J, if you ever read this. I am not just saying this because of that. I told you, I don't edit my blogs, I let my fingers do the talking. They are more honest where the mouth can be prone to let a lie slip out, even mine has been guilty of that.
Last edited by ak2381; 05-04-2010 at 01:17 AM.