There hasn't been a person I had feelings for(not "loved" necessarily) that I didn't want to share physical intimacy with since I was 8, sloppily making out with and groping a girl in my backyard. I'm sexually over-active in my opinion, but in a sharp contrast it's ONLY restricted to people I have legitimate feelings for as i've had advances more than several times and have been completely uninterested, even though the person advancing was attractive. At 23 I cheated for the first time, on my g/f for 2 years with a girl I really liked...and was greedy enough to consider dating them both but too cowardly and immature to be truthful about my desires to actually say anything to my g/f. Afterwards I label myself poly, but realize I am too cowardly to be non-conforming.
1.5 years later, me and my girlfriend(W1) get into a "foursome" from what was supposed to be a really fun "swingers" night in a juccuzzi with another couple. She knew I was poly, but we agreed previously to keep it monogamous until this happened. My girlfriend initiated it unknowingly to me because she thought I was getting bored of her. Months later, after a full(bi-sex) relationship I fell in love with the girl of the other couple(W2). The other spouses notice strong feelings, and emphasize rules of conduct in public and no sex. We feel restrained and eventual start having a full on sexual relationship without their knowledge. We figure, "if we're doing it in front of them, why does it matter?", however that is just a cowardly logic. Stress and drama ensue after we tell our spouses that we're in love with each other, and tension rises even more than it already was. I break up with 'W1' and other couple relationship is strained even more because of it. A month later(still living with g/f) I have a sexual episode with W1. After meeting with W2 i'm about to tell her and she says, "look, no engagement ring...we got into a big argument". I freeze, and lie to her. 5 days later she finds out and is hurt like i've never seen another person hurt. other spouses' male(M2) asks 'W2' to choose. 'W2' doesn't choose, and 'M2' leaves relationship.
5 months later, i'm living with 'W2'. She's still getting over her 'M2' and the fact that she feels i'm fucking every girl I come in contact with.
I've learned so much from all this...and here are a few things...
Lying, omission, all of it, will never work out. Truth is a part of love. And if you're not being truthful with yourself, or the people you love, you are showing them that you don't love them; because having love isn't giving it. And it isn't erasable, you can't take the offense back. You can heal wounds but there will always be scarring whether big or small. I pledged myself to show the largest amount of love to my loved ones within my ability, and grow that capacity for love as I grow older.
The courage to be truthful about who you are and what you REALLY want instead of what society, or whoever else, tells you is equally related to how mature you are. I was a silly boy, who was unable to control his urges for self-gratification. Now I am a stronger man who has grown in his resolve to fight for what he wants, be truthful about who he is, and also have the control to do what he want or needs to do, above what he "feels".
Cheating...is about selfishness. Complete and utter lack of care for anyone else who is or even would be affected by your actions in any kind of way; selfishness. Some selfishness is fine, but cheating is one of the worst kind of offenses, worst sort of selfishness. Selfish-ness over your loved ones also shows them that you don't love them. Being an only child who grew up lying to his parents about his grades, i've pledged myself to change. To train my behavior to automatically think about how people I love will be affected by my actions.
I didn't write this for any type of absolution, pity, reprieve or lament. I'm writing this for those of you poly newbies who are young, confused, and most likely don't know yourselves yet. For all the people who are thinking those same selfish thoughts I had mid last year. And for those of you who try and infuse the same concepts i talk about at the end of this post. See my story as an example for what not to do and what can happen when dishonesty and deceit are backings of your relationships.
As of now i'm in an 'open' relationship with my g/f(W2). She still doesn't trust me, and we're open so she doesn't have to care when i'm cheating on her, which is what she thinks. I'm not. I've completely given myself to her and am completely devoted to her. People say we won't last long...personally, I say give it time. In either case, if it falls apart I won't regret the bad and good times we've had. Knowing what I know now though, I definitely would of done it differently.
May all of your lives and relationships be blessed with success. thanks for reading.