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Old 05-02-2010, 07:45 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,723

thanks so much for all these opinions and stories. I learn a lot from everyone here and this thread was no acception.

To me jealousy comes when I am not getting my needs met. Either I am not aware of what they are and need to discover them, or I have not set something up in my life to make sure I have them met. Sometimes I need to really need to look at the root of those needs and get them to the raw basics... as I said in another thread on communication I believe. Everyone has the same needs... to be loved, to love, to have time to oneself, to spend time with those we care about... etc. Usually its one of these basic needs that aren't being met that means I am jealous... It is important to me to not over shadow other peoples needs with my own as it is one of my needs to make sure I don't harm others as best I can. This can be tricky and has meant the end of relationships in the past if I or they are unable to get our basic needs met...

for instance, I had a friend that needed support at a time that I needed support also. She was unable to support me as she demanded from me a lot of attention and support with nothing in return to me. She got very angry with me because I became unavailable to her as I was seeking out my own support. I ended our friendship as I wasn't having my basic need for giving support and receiving support met.

I know that sounds rather clinical, but it helps me to think of things this way so I can move negative situations and people out of my life, or move myself out. Life is too shirt to fuss around with negativity and situations that are unable to resolve at the present time. For me it's best to leave them and see what happens in time, or remove myself.

I thought that perhaps jealousy was more of something that came up for couples who seek out a poly relationship as it seems to come up a lot on here that way, but now that I think about it, I think I agree that it is situational and depends on a great many numbers of factors and has varying levels of depth.
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