She was a roommate first. She and my husband had a spark, and I was alright with letting them date. At the time I was friends with her, though I didn't know her very well. I know, I know - don't date roommates. We made a lot of early mistakes.
From the start when she moved in, she didn't have to pay rent. She helped around the house and went to school. She later dropped out of school, in Feb.
I started having serious health issues, was on a lot of heavy medications, etc, while the relationship was progressing to nearly a poly marriage. While there were issues I was having with her, a lot of it was wrapped up in all of those problems and things kept on going anyhow. Since I started healing physically back in September, I started bringing up those issues more adamantly, until we started therapy in December. But I tend to not hold up well when people I care about are hurt... I give in or made compromises I'm not really okay with. That, and it felt like some of the issues I brought up kept getting brushed off or ignored by my husband, if inadvertently.
When, a month ago, I made this 'final decision' about her moving out, it was after 6 months of trying to make it work with her.
She has ADD and knows she has serious communication problems, which she is now going to a therapist for. But she's never owned up to that; instead, she says I'm intimidating and "shut her down" - but she never talks to me in the first place. Walking into a room I'm in is not starting a conversation. If she really wants this relationship, she has never said so - except in the presence of my husband. By her actions alone, it seems that she's really only here for him. If she's only dating him, then she's not family.
Right now she's avoiding me and is saying that I've just shattered her trust, etc etc, but the fact is, she's never earned MY trust. I'm tired of always putting forth so much effort to communicate with her, and never being met halfway. She gets something out of her living here whether we are friends or not. But I get nothing out of her living here if we're not friends. And friends TALK to one another, open up, share and show interest in each other. She's never even asked me a single question about me in the year and half we've been living together - and when I ask about her in order to try and start a conversation or get to know her, later she's calling it "interrogation."
Both our therapist and mine have said I have excellent communication skills. I'm really not an intimidating person, I'm too goofy. They both feel that I have put forward significant effort, and need to stop feeling like I owe it to them to make them happy.
Last edited by merry; 04-30-2010 at 09:47 PM.