Originally Posted by vandalin
I tend to have a "simplistic" view at times and prefer "simple" answers to complex questions. I know when I do get "simplistic" I get looks of, "is she crazy!?" and "she just doesn't understand"...yet, simple answers sometimes are the best.
So do it. You can only control your own actions and reactions. So do it. Don't be catty. Stop competing. It's the same thing when an arguement becomes a shouting match. All it takes is for one person to stop and wait. Person two may take some time to realize that they won't get anywhere by shouting, but they eventually do as long as you just sit and wait. No looks of "get over yourself" or rolling your eyes. If one person says something "catty" don't respond back in kind.
This can go for both of you. Realize when things are starting to head toward the "catty" and competing, and then stop. Take a deep breath. If you realize that you are being "catty" then accept it, say to yourself, at the least, "Dang it! I'm being catty again." Then take that breath and try again. Doing it outloud may help even more though as you both will start to see that you are able to control your reactions and willing to do so.
I did say I was into "simple" answers. This is true, the answer is simple, just do it...the practice of it may not be as simple. I wish you both, all three of you actually, the best of luck.
BTW: is DH on here as well? I can't keep track sometimes.
vandalin - thank you for giving me something to consider. I am an emotional person. When I get hurt, angry, resentful - I tend to become an emotional mess, cry, yell - then think it through. I have the headache and sore eyes today to prove it! I can't seem to get myself to decompress first, then think things through and respond. That is the one thing I am working on.
DH reads posts on here - but has not yet responded to or posted any himself. I am encouraging him to do so. We ALL have things to learn and work on. I get the feeling from them that they want me to do all the learning and growing so I'll accept their relationship. They need to realize that they can learn things on here to understand me better - if they approach it with an open mind like I am trying to do. MG has been doing that somewhat - but my DH hasn't.