Originally Posted by merry
I need her to move out, for the sake of my health and happiness. How do you find a compromise for something like that? Tell me, I really don't know.
If I might offer a suggestion...............
The whole thing about living arrangements needs to be treated as it's own stand alone problem. Try to disconnect it entirely from any relationship issues etc. Do you know what I mean ????
People living together brings out all of the stickiest wickets ! It's a difficult thing for that to go smoothly even if there's isn't any intimate relationship involved ! Silly little personal things about space, personal habits, preferences, etc often snowball into something that stresses or destroys otherwise perfectly good relationships !
Try not to tie the two together.
It seems reasonable that she (and you) need your own space. Having that could smooth the whole relationship and let you focus on the more important things.
I agree also with others that there's a good possibility that your hubby is enabling her in developing some irresponsible patterns by lending too much financial (and emotional) support. She (gf) needs to develop skills for being independent. Dependency is the death knell of relationships. It's demeaning and can be part of a control drama. Don't go there. I adhere to the philosophy of "don't buy me fish - buy me a pole and teach me to fish !"
So I think if you can get the living arrangements settled and take a deep breath (and forget the history involving the live-in that doesn't work) the whole thing may take on a whole different tone.
Good luck !