I am sure MorningGlory will read this so I am sorry for her but I have to be honest coming from the same seat. I know J would love to believe that dh loves her more because she loves him more than her own husband. But she has never said that he does nor will she ever do so becasue she knows that would cross a line and probably result in loosing him forever. To say those things to the wife is completely disrespectful and uncalled for. If he isn't saying these things then I wouldn't necessarily believe them. I know that is hard. I know it is so easy to fall into the harder more negative things. I have done that many times, especially over the last couple of weeks when I have had to watch DH long for her. It was hard to understand that he doesn't love her more than me. It certainly looked that way.
Those comments come across even more as a homewrecker point of view than someone who is interested in a considerate and open poly relationship. I am sorry if that is too harsh but I know that is what I would see if J said those things.
I know the journal is hard. I have to open my online blog here when my daughter goes to bed and my family isn't around. They don't know about this. None of it. This blog helps me tremendously, especially on the nights he is with J. I get it all out before he comes home for "gush time". I have to say way to go on the therapist. DH is dead set against them.
And yes, lack of sleep makes things worse. It does for me. Especially the nights where the nightmares are so vivid. The nightmares are sometimes worse than reality and I have to remind myself it was just a dream. I am still here when you need me. I will be on tonight I am sure. He will be with J tonight for their reunion after their break. I don't even want to think of how intimate and rekindling that will be. So I will be between this site and my book I am reading.