Thank you for your comments.
I would just like to point out one thing. this isn't something that started recently. the seeds for this was planted a long time before the birth of our children. yes i am being defencive. But it seams that i need to be.
I came here looking for someone to talk to, that might understand what i am going through. As for being a good husband why do you think i am here instead of having this conversation with my wife?
As for being a good dad ..... i have had maybe 4 hours sleep the last week tending to my daughters needs (she has a cold or some other nasal mucas inducing illness) while her mother sleeps, and i go to work every day.
As for giving it time that is what i was planning on doing.
Thank you for your time and replies.