I can't speak for him of course, but I believe he is afraid of losing her. Not only has she been an incredible emotional support, but she has been financially supporting him this last year as he has been out of work. But mostly, I would guess it is a misguided attempt to not hurt her. He's not seeing that he risks hurting her more in the long run. I plan to talk to him tomorrow night if all goes well (he is not doing well emotionally, so I will play it by ear).
Originally Posted by redpepper
Why hasn't he said anything to her? There is the rub. Its important to say what's going on and how one feels as soon as possible. It lessons expectations and assumptions immediately. No guessing, no intuative *knowing* it is all out in the open and dealt with. There will be stuff that is hard to go through but its harder to go through if its left because of fear. Fear creates more pain. I would feel disrespected if I was not privy to how people feel and what is going on for them. Especially someone so close. I would feel less connected and honoured.
At least this has been my experience.
If I were him I would spend some time telling her how much she means to me, how its not going to be anything more than a friendship and that it doesn't mean that they can't be close friends. In essence he has a poly relationship of the non- sexual kind with her! same rules apply to friendships as they do to intimate relationships as far as I'm concerned.
Again, total agreement with all of what you have said. As I thought more about it today, it's really interesting, b/c the poly "V" relationship started by R and I having a sexual relationship (well, technically it started when my dh and I began having one, but bear with me). It's not as if my bf is embracing the poly lifestyle--he just wants to embrace me. Am I making any sense?
There's so much more, and quite frankly, my head is spinning. I am looking forward to seeing him tmrw and we'll just go from there.