Yeah, you are the only one that can decide what works for you or not.
Also, the only unilateral decision you have a complete right to make in this relationship is to leave if you have had enough. Not that I am recommending that or not, just saying.
This seems like a really tough spot. You don't want your marriage to end, want to work through things, but also want your needs met. That is totally fair! You should have your needs met.
Ultimatums are not good - I agree with everyone else, but sometimes we feel there is no other choice. I have been there too, and ended up leaving when I realized that I was not going to get what I needed.
Wish you the best.