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Old 04-29-2010, 11:29 PM
merry merry is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2010
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Morningglory629 View Post
imposed boundaries=resentment
KT and I have this problem all the time (although neither of us really want to cohabitate- at this point anyway)! Relationships developing in a natural progression is best for all involved. In my case I want everything to happen quickly. KT never wants it to progress. But we are struggling through it, and finding our way. I want KT and P to be more open to accepting my husband into their lives. That hasn't even been scratched. She has restricted our general interactions and has actually asked me to not be out with him in the entire East end of our city. And as you may know from previous posts she has actually banned certain sexual acts. Yep and I am complying. Because for whatever reason she needs those boundaries. But in my opinion they are unnecessary and counterproductive to building a relationship. I honestly believe the more rules she has requested the less happy her marriage is. I hope you realize those restrictions (you think are reasonable) are repressive and will eventually damage your marriage. His inaction is his answer. He doesn't want it to end with GF and resents you for trying to restrict them. Whether or not that resentment grows is really up to you and how you help him develop his secondary relationship. He WANTS to live with her. His need is not being met but he is accepting your sudden departure from the original plan. You need to put your restrictions in check because you cannot force a reversal in his love for her.
This is what I just don't understand. It's his right to live with whom he wants, but I have no say if it conflicts?

I went to him the other night and told him that I'd be willing to ease up those restrictions if it's confirmed that she's moving out. It turns out, he wasn't even at that page - he didn't accept the entire concept that I could have a say in her moving out at all. He's never accepted my "sudden departure" - which it wasn't, this has been on the table for 6 months.

I know restrictions aren't positive things. But understand that that's the only compromise I've been able to get at all, its the only thing they've been willing to do to make me feel at all safer or less unhappy. It doesn't solve the main issue - that she needs to move out. But it was an attempt to find a way to make me feel a little better while we worked on things.

Now that schedule has been revoked anyhow, by him. I'm not getting anything out of this... and I'm not sure anymore whether it's healthy for me to be here anymore.
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