Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat
One thing that may help smooth the transition is to remove your limitations on how they can behave within their relationship (i.e. they're only allowed to date twice a week).
If you express support of their relationship truly developing in its own right, just not under your roof, then you won't be asking them to give up as much. As it sounds right now, not only are you asking her to leave, but you're also asking her to limit her time with him, according to your restrictions. And you're asking the same of him.
You cleverly used the phrase "new relationship boundaries he and I put in place when I first brought this up" but in all honesty, that sounds more to me like "the boundaries that I forced him to accept." Because I'm willing to bet money that that wasn't his idea...
KT and I have this problem all the time (although neither of us really want to cohabitate- at this point anyway)! Relationships developing in a natural progression is best for all involved. In my case I want everything to happen quickly. KT never wants it to progress. But we are struggling through it, and finding our way. I want KT and 2R to be more open to accepting my husband into their lives. That hasn't even been scratched. She has restricted our general interactions and has actually asked me to not be out with him in the entire East end of our city. And as you may know from previous posts she has actually banned certain sexual acts. Yep and I am complying.
Because for whatever reason she needs those boundaries. But in my opinion they are unnecessary and counterproductive to building a relationship. I honestly believe the more rules she has requested the less happy her marriage is. I hope you realize those restrictions (you think are reasonable) are repressive and will eventually damage your marriage. His inaction is his answer. He doesn't want it to end with GF and resents you for trying to restrict them. Whether or not that resentment grows is really up to you and how you help him develop his secondary relationship. He WANTS to live with her. His need is not being met but he is accepting your sudden departure from the original plan. You need to put your restrictions in check because you cannot force a reversal in his love for her.