A number of people I'm wanting to respond to...
I really don't know what I can do. I've given up a lot and I don't get anything out of this, so when I'm being told I'm being selfish for stating my needs, it's just confusing and painful.
She is hostile towards me. I've been under so much stress that it's caused another flare-up of Lupus, and my doctors are a bit freaked. I can't live with her.
The only compromise they've made is that reduced schedule, and even that, he complains about. He's still supporting her financially... she has all the benefits of being his wife and none of the responsibilities.
This is not something all of a sudden - we did group counciling for 4 months, plus I have my own therapist. We tried different things to make this work. I'm unhappy, and I feel horrible for being unhappy. I'm generally the 'doormat' - working with my therapist, she feels I need to stand up for myself. But I get this negative backlash, and seeing him in pain is too much for me.
I need her to move out, for the sake of my health and happiness. How do you find a compromise for something like that? Tell me, I really don't know.