Thread: KT's Blog
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Old 04-29-2010, 08:22 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 2,872

Originally Posted by KatTails View Post
By now most of you know my story - - - mono with a poly husband of 14 years who has a married, poly GF.

I have been having a very bad, emotional week. I can't seem to get my emotions under control - I feel the same way now that I did months ago. I thought I was gaining acceptance, then it all vanished. I'm sick of feeling like this - but I can't get these feelings of insecurity and doubt out of my head. The pain that I am feeling is gut-wrenching, heart-hurting and overwhelming.
Relationship turmoil comes and goes in waves. I still get hit by the sheer loss of my lover, and its been 6 months. It just gets easier with time, recovery is quicker, sleep comes easier. Its amazing how often you will end up fighting the feelings, especially if you are anything like me, and you can dwell in the past, which can create a real maddening tailspin.

I mention sleep for a reason, I am a natural insomniac, I am "capable" of going days without sleep and during emotional upheaval it is at its worst. The problem is, lack of sleep throws the already slow spinning tailspin into highspeed (think dorothy on crack in the wizard of oz)...If you find you aren't sleeping, take some time to figure out how to sleep, it might help

How do you stop feeling like you have been replaced? That the years of committment you have put in still have validity and meaning? When another person comes in and feels as though their relationship with your spouse is deeper, stronger, more meaningful than yours - how do you not feel anger and hurt? How can you trust a person when they minimize or disrespect your place in your own spouses life? I don't minimize what they have - they fell fast and hard and are deeply in love with each other. I understand and accept it - - - I just don't want to be brushed aside and made to feel as I am of no importance anymore. That his love for me is nothing compared to his for her. It's painful to hear that!
Ok...has he really said that? Are those words out of his mouth? Thats really too bad, and I can understand your upheaval...

I am not here to vent, complain or to get into a discussion of why I shouldn't feel this way - because I do feel this way. These feelings are here and they are real. But I want them to go away - I HATE feeling like this! I hate not being able to stop crying! I want to be happy and content in my marriage. I know he loves me - why can't I hold onto that and not onto all of the negative things that come into my mind and heart? I am destroying our marriage with my inability to control my thoughts and emotions. And I do feel out of control. I have never been like this prior to this situation and I hate this feeling.
I hope this doesn't come across as mean, but you have every right to feel what you feel but you have to understand that these are your feelings, you have to own them and take control of them. Regardless of what he said, she does etc. You have to figure out how to take back control.

do you have a way to consistently vent whats happening. And I don't mean to others, but just release it. Journal, art, sports...some way to release what builds up. Might be a good idea to find something of your own that can help you deal with emotional buildup.

Also, and I hate bringing this idea up as I am fairly anti-therapist (sorry to those of you that love them) but have you found someone, irl, preferably unbiased to poly that you can talk to. Maybe a local poly group or poly Councillor...Just another way to consistently have someone to bounce everything off of.
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