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Old 04-29-2010, 06:18 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,723

wow, some church you go too! That's awesome you had that as part of your service.

I wanted you to know first off that you story rang very true to my experience in many ways...

I have a seven year old (next month) and remember when he was three going through the same stuff. The best thing that my husband did for me was to let me go and do my own thing. We were poly before we had a child, but put it aside. We decided to open our relationship up again after a time of my finding my feet again and becoming independent from my child. I went out dancing by myself, started walking, then running, started swimming again. Went out with friends and didn't bring my child with me.... the world opened up again and I realized how much I had missed in baby land.

I would suggest that you tell her that you really would like think about opening your marriage up at some point but not until she has some time to figure out what she wants... I would tell her that things need to change and that you propose taking a communication course, doing some counselling something to better your marriage and get her off the bullying streak. It's not okay that you are bullied (or called names!) and I know full well that it likely comes from her needs not being met. Then I would tell her that you are going to make a list of what your needs are and that she should do the same.

Go on a nice date with her where you can talk in depth about why you fell in love, what you used to do together that made you both happy, what you would like to do now with her and her with you... and what you need to do independently. Then make plans to do these things and STICK TO THEM! It could mean a lot of child care for you, so plan for doing fun things with your child... it all comes around, so don't whine about it. Do it with a smile and see it as a time to really bond with your child.

Once she gets her life back, and you start seeing that she is happier then you should move towards talking about opening your relationship up. It might just be that your sex life is way better by then (I have no idea what it is like now, but there is nothing like a happy wife to have a happy life, in the bedroom and out). You never know, she might be all into exploring more love and sex with others.

I would DEFINITELY NOT even for a second let the thought of a threesome into your head. You have far too much to work on in your marriage before bringing in some unsuspecting soul that just wants to get off... they don't need the drama that is likely to ensue and neither do you. If you are thinking that it would be nice to share someone for the long haul then I would say the same thing. That would be entirely unfair to someone coming in to put your unbalanced marriage issues on them. You would be a part of their lives as much as they are a part of yours. Why would they want to sit around waiting for you to get your act together.... better to have it together before hand. Besides, its far more attractive to a prospective partner to be confident, together, connected to your wife and committed to her best interest as well as theirs.

yup. looks to me like you have some work to do. There is no rush. Take your time, get it all together. Even if at the end you find that you aren't all that interested in poly, you owe it to your marriage, your child and to each other.
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