Welcome to the forum.
I have a highly individual centric view of everything, including relationships. That doesn't mean I am selfish or apathetic, it just means that I realize that relationships are not things, they're the abstraction of how two or more people interact. Sometimes people get too caught up in "the relationship" that they forget they're dealing with people.
I don't care to give opinions on your relationships with others, but I encourage you to nurture your relationship with yourself. You seem to realize that you're being self-destructive and if you're not loving yourself enough to nurture you, it's nearly impossible to bring that to the table for others.
Maybe you need to take some time for you and see your friends. Confide in them to let them know how much their presence around you matters. Maybe you want more communication with them and these are fair things to explore. My friends are my greatest support, individually and in the ways they as a group build and lift me up.
Take the time to share your feelings. Sometimes putting them to words, even in an anonymous forum of strangers, can help you connect pieces and see things as a coherent whole rather than a jumbled rubberband-like ball of mess. Talking might also help take the edge off of the feelings which will make it easier to deal with them each individually.
Connection is the path to passion. Passion is not the path to connection.