Originally Posted by EugenePoet
I do use the terms primary and secondary, and I use them with intent. Part of my goal as a secondary is to make sure that I do what I can to nurture the primary relationship. First, I know that my darling's happiness centers around this beautiful marriage, and I very much want to care for and enhance her happiness. Second, it is the nature of the relationship between her husband and herself which makes it possible for me to be with her at all, so caring for that relationship is important. And third, I like and admire her husband and don't want to cause him distress.
So I use the label secondary as a kind of shorthand for a set of constructive attitudes and behaviors. It is not in the sense of "second-class" at all.
What a beautiful way to feel!