i'm sorry, i've only succeeded at failing at relationship so i'm just trying to let you know what mistakes i made.... and not being entirely honest was one mistake that was made and ruined the best relationship i've ever had or possibly could ever have had.... so please take what i say with grain of salt...
Originally Posted by Tseras
is it really my concern as to whether or not she is being honest with her other partner, or am I being too meddlesome in her life? Is it really my place to demand her to be honest in this case, especially if it might compromise her relationship?
in my humble opinion, yes, yes it is. you love F, you are just watching out for F and this is a red flag in that the relationship is being built on a lie. F is not being true to herself and not being open and honest about who she is with. how can they ever have a full loving relationship if she does not share that side of her that she is poly... G does not know a very important part of who F is, and is that right? what happens if F starts to fall for somebody else? then G thinks G is being cheated on.
Originally Posted by Tseras
far as G understands F is monogamous and is cheating on her partner (me).
For me polyamory is about honesty and I do not feel good when my partner goes out of her way to pretend she is not devoted me.
it is not fair to G to keep poly a secret. it is placing an unrealistic expectation on their relationship of monogamy...
and it is unfair to you. I understand if perhaps F is not ready to "come out of the closet" to the world, but is it right of F to be in the closet to a partner?
it will prob hurt G a lot when F finally does tell G .... but it is the right thing to do.
no good can come out of hiding who you are or what you believe from a loved one... how can you call it love if you are not your WHOLE self.... you know what i mean?
what you are doing is ok, in that you are just asking them to be honest and avoid hurt....
again, this is just my humble, honest opinion...it is not the bible or anything and i'm really sorry if i sound like i know it all, because trust me i don't and i just want to say what i've experienced....
Originally Posted by Thunderlizard
AWhat's she got to fear? If he's willing to be part of an illicit affair, why wouldn't he be part of something that didn't HAVE that stress attached to it (of course, I know that answer.. if it's cheating, that's understandable, but polyamory, what the fuck is THAT?)
the only thing i can think of, is maybe she is afraid G will not want to share her openly? which is not an entirely logical fear because G has not asked F to leave their spouse/SO which tells me G is ok on some level with sharing F.... I think F would be pleasantly surprised, but by now the damage is done and it is time to come clean and pay the piper. it may cost the relationship, but if it does... it is an unfortunate lesson to learn in the art of being true , open,and honest to all partners.
maybe F feels she has dug a hole and just does not know how to climb out of it. ok, understandable... if that is the case then ask F this... "would you rather confess and try to climb out of a 6 ft deep hole or would you rather keep on digging a hole and then have to climb out of a 12 foot hole later on when either G finds out thru F , or U, or on G's own..."