I was thinking of this before and thanks to the prompting of a very special friend here, I thought I'd try to share my view and approach to the Jealousy/Envy thing.
Jealousy gets talked about a lot and approaches to dealing with it are plentiful. And strangely enough, at least in my mind, jealousy is the more simple of the two to get a grip on. Because it's a fear thing - once the fear is proven unfounded (the tiger was paper!) then it's basically done ! Not that we don't have to remind ourselves of that paper tiger on occasion - or even take a match to it (again) but once understood - always understood.
Envy now.........well that's another whole dragon indeed !
Maybe why we don't talk about it is because we were ALL taught as children how to combat things like greed and selfishness etc. We thought. But it keeps coming back. And I think a lot of us forget how cruel a thing it is and how critical it is to banish it. So we don't talk much about it. Or acknowledge it. And it keeps nipping at our heels.
And maybe we should ! (talk)
I like to think Envy has two 'A's in it
A1 - Acceptance
A2 - Action
The first 'A' - Acceptance. I think we let slip from our mind that there's no "equality" in life. Some say no fairness etc. It is what it is. There will always be people who have "more" of something than us and we will have "more" than others. And even this of course is in constant flux. Today it's this way - tomorrow may be entirely different.
Acceptance. It is what it is !
Allowing ourselves to dwell on the inequities in life only uses up mental and emotional resources that could be better used elsewhere (to be addressed in a minute). It introduces conflict and unhappiness over something that sometimes is not even in our control. We are NOT the center of the known universe ! OMG !
So I think the first step to leashing this dragon is that acceptance. When we frame this in the context of relationships and time etc, we have to be realistic. Time seems to be one area where envy surfaces. Most of us aren't masters of all our own time. We're pulled in a lot of directions by various commitments and responsibilities. So it happens that times sync up for some people at some time better than others. Then it may switch around. There's no equality, no balance and though it sucks, you still are stuck with the same choices. Accept that it's the way things go sometimes or drive yourself crazy fighting against the nature of life. Because sometimes it's just dumb luck and there's nothing we could have done differently to change the outcome anyway.
And in the spirit of love & giving, can't we celebrate at least for a moment that someone we care about happens to be coming out on top of all this random craziness ? Do we wish it was us too - hell ya ! But it isn't - yet. Acceptance. Sanity. Compersion ?
All that being said, there's still the other 'A' left in the picture.
Sometimes, when it appears someone else is the beneficiary of some "more" something - there's a reason. Sometimes that reason is that they've put more effort in to obtain it ! The family next door has a new car, boat and cottage on the lake. But they both work 80 hrs a week at professional positions they spent years in school for, and someone else takes car of their kids, cleans the house etc. They wanted it - they went and made it happen. Envy ? Unjustified and self destructive UNLESS we are willing to put in the same effort and sacrifice.
And then of course - on the other side - well - they just hit the lottery ! No effort required. Dumb luck.
Envy ? Why ? Pointless negative energy. How about we celebrate their luck with them ? Even buy them a gift for good luck ! Which do we think will make us feel better and let us move forward with our own lives better ? What will help make us more loving - and lovable ? Karma anyone ?
And I see similar parallels in love & relationships too. At least in how they play out. Sometimes some people have put tremendous effort into themselves. Trying to learn to be a better person. They have become very "lovable". Desirable to be around. Warm and comfortable.
Trying to better be owners & directors of their own time. Made choices that put them in better positions more frequently. More flexibility.
But these are "action" items. Things we put intentional effort into with the expectation of rewards if we pull it off. But sitting back, crying "foul-unfair (envy)", doesn't move us closer to what we want. Only WE can move us closer sometimes. Action.
And yea, sometimes someone flies us there - free ! It happens. The equivalent of the lottery win. It happens !
Well damn ! You lucky bitch/bastard - let me give you a hug ! That's a choice too. I'm a believer in Karma
And even if I wasn't - it sure makes me feel a lot better.
So it can look like a circle, where we move from acceptance to action and sometimes back around to acceptance. Every day is unique. But if we can be engaged in the process rather than wasting time sitting on the sidelines, the law of averages may work in our favor. All choices.
Thoughts & ramblings............