I really agree with polytriad here and I will add, this feels forced to me. Poly is not a contract. Yes, we do have agreements, but honestly, your post sounded and felt like a business contract and one you were scared of at that.
You have the energy of someone overwhelmed and thinking they have to do such and such inner work to make this work. Yes, it's gonna take inner work, and outer work just as any do any relationships. Yet what I feel from your post is a self pressure of a time frame.
Poly or not, we all have to work on our own schedules, especially when it comes to such life altering decisions. And it sounds like you have to make some peace with yourself, where you are now and where you wanna be.
Yes, you made indeed have a lot of issues. They may be issues you would have to work thru poly or not tho.
Be gentle with yourself. Trust your own inner guidance, not someone else's. I tell people that a lot regardless of the topic.
Making peace with where we are never ever means we are gonna just stay there. That oxygen mask goes on ourselves first.