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Old 04-27-2010, 04:09 AM
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idealist idealist is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Deep South
Posts: 543

Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
you would do this for your partner? really?! I find it absolutely abhorrent to have sex with people I am not into and in fact find that I think I am insulting them. I don't do anything unless I am aroused to do so. I used to and it just built resentment and anger. I ceratainly wouldn't have sex with a woman just to turn a man on. It would be just for me, but then I genuinely love sex with women... I still wouldn't let a guy watch just because he got off on it. I hated that about swinging. I was all into it and the women hated it, but did it for their men.... I think I have just been triggered by this... sorry
Thanks for your post and sharing your passionate feelings. It has made me think about how I feel and it brought up some things for me that are kind of opposite from what you are going through right now.

It's good to know what your boundaries are and have the strength to hold them up. However, personal boundaries change through time. A boundary that was so important for me 10 years ago is suddenly no longer important. There have been times in my life when I was convinced that I had taken a stand and I would not move from my position. I didn’t drink alcohol for 20 years and did not expect that I would ever drink again. I social drink regularly now and will take personal responsibility for my decision to do so. At the same time, to a person who thinks they are an alcoholic and has been sober for 20 years, I would not suggest that they attempt drinking again like I did.

Also, even though I have embraced Polyamory for myself, I still wouldn’t suggest it to a married couple who is considering it.

So- the idea of only having sex with a person you are in love with is a good position to take. And I have taken this position for quite a while now. But, if I did decide to pursue sexual experiences with people I am not in love with, or engage in sex with a woman just to turn a man on, it would be because I have decided to do it for my own personal reasons and that I take full responsibility for my decision and will deal with any difficult ramifications which might arise. And at the same time, I wouldn’t suggest it to others, because these things are like playing with fire. You can get burned.

This reminds me of a quote that I'm going to share here because I can so relate to it even though I'm getting very off topic.

“Sickness, jail, poverty, getting drunk - I had to experience all that myself. Sinning makes the world go round. You can't be so stuck up, so inhuman that you want to be pure, your soul wrapped up in a plastic bag, all the time. You have to be God and the devil, both of them. Being a good medicine man means being right in the midst of the turmoil, not shielding yourself from it. It means experiencing life in all its phases. It means not being afraid of cutting up and playing the fool now and then. That's sacred too.” Lame Deer
The key to life is in being fully engaged and peacefully detached simultaneously and authentically in each moment.

Last edited by idealist; 04-27-2010 at 04:12 AM.
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