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Old 04-26-2010, 08:22 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 2,872

Originally Posted by atheist View Post
How can I not know whether or not I had an affair way back then? I used the wrong word. I did NOT have any affairs way back then, but I don't remember whether or not I had any "one night stands" I could forget them, if I did, which I *think* I probably did, your guess is as good as mine.
Must have been awesome <sarc>

I'm still struggling with the whole "honesty" issue. Is there such a thing as "sharing too much", or is that part of what would be required for "total honesty and transparency? Isn't NOT telling something to someone for reasons of either shame or fearing it would hurt their feelings a form of lying, a lie of omission? If you don't "fess up" to something that you haven't been directly asked about, is it a lie, or is it only a lie if you if you've been asked a direct question. To respond with "it's none of your business", or, "I don't think it's any of your business", may be true, but isn't it still a "lie of omission" since you are keeping information hidden for whatever reason?
With honesty, you need to understand your audience. Imo you don't walk around sharing everything. That said certain people deserve the chance at full disclosure. My wife gets the full shebang, if she is done or doesn't want to hear something she tells me. Maybe at some point she will flip the script and not want to hear about dates or flirting. But that would need to be discussed as we are used to full disclosure. You might want to figure out the hard fast rules in your relationship about how open you want to be.

Dates or potential dates or lovers...I am as open as I need to be with discretion. E, our ex, does not want it known she was with us. She is worried if we ever break up, that she will be blamed. So I keep that secret. I do let peolpe know about this other person and past partners. I am as open as I am comfortable without ever lying. If it is something deeply person I will simply not tell them. There are things in my history which people don't need to know unless they want to stick around for a while.

I'll leave you with this for your viewing pleasure...
haha...since this is about communication and trust, I would have simply told Pengrah the first one. She would appreciate it. And then go to the football game with me
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