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Old 04-26-2010, 05:40 PM
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Originally Posted by KatTails View Post
redpepper - I have felt the same way. The first threesome MG, my husband and I had - was planned by the two of us together. As far as I know - she had never had a threesome or been with a woman. The one thing I said to MG beforehand was to not do this for him, but because she wanted to. Prior to this - her and I had sent a series of sexual texts that turned us both on (at least I know they did for me.) So when we planned the threesome I told her to make sure because I didn't want to be anyones regret. She assured both me and my husband that she was not doing it for him. Her and I went to a movie first and kissed and held hands - trying to become comfortable with each other. We then met him at a hotel. I opened myself up to her and participated in ways that I had never done before. She seemed to enjoy it. Later, she told my husband that she had done it all for him. I felt hurt, embarrassed, lied to and used - because I had become her regret. I have no hurt feelings towards MG for that anymore because I can understand doing something just to make your SO happy. But it shouldn't be at the expense of someone else. MG - this isn't a criticism of you at all - just an explanation of how I felt at the time. I took it personally and was hurt by it. I understand why you did it though - we both have a need to want to please him.

The second time we were all together - it was all literally above the belt - and it was done as a surprise gift for my husband.

As much as he would love to have more threesomes - what guy wouldn't - I doubt it will happen again since it's not something MG is interested in. Also - after both times - I had a rough time because for me, I can seperate sex and love. I get so turned on watching my husband fuck someone else. Watching him make love to a woman he is deeply in love with - was really hard on me. It gave me a visual of how they were with each other when I'm not there. I started comparing how she was with him to how I am. It made me very self conscious when him and I made love.

Also - I think it is different with FMF - he only has one "tool" - so his attention is more focused on one of the females - causing the other to feel somewhat left out. In a MFM - which I can't wait to try - it is physically easier for the woman to be the center of attention. And I would never expect my husband to be sexually intimate with the guy. If he wanted to - I'm ok with it - but I would never expect it or be upset if it didn't happen.

Is my husband upset that MG isn't into a threesome because she isn't sexually attracted to me, or women in general? Yes. Does he pout about it? At times. Does he hope things change? Absolutely. And he makes no apologies for that.

I feel that he is "forcing" her and I to become friends and more because he loves us both and wants us to feel the same. However, it has to be a natural thing. We rushed into threesomes - instead of trying to be socially comfortable with each other first. He would love for the three of us to go out to dinner and a movie - then to a hotel and all sleep together - and I do mean sleep. Of course - he would want sex first. Which we can do with minimal contact between us.

We are a V with my husband as the hinge. Have the end points of the V been intimate? Yes. Do we play alone together? No. That is why we are a V and not a triad. See otter - I told you the answer was here.

I'm coining a new term - I'm an "above-the-belt-bisexual"

I totally empathise with how you feel in regards to feeling like someones regret. That humiliation, embarrassment, I get it. I'm sorry that happened to you. There are several times I have been someones regret or regretted being in certain situations. It has really made me untrusting and wary of peoples motives in regards to sex. Even if it doesn't involve me. The emotions behind sex are strong ones for me as I realize now. I have sex with someone because I love them and am attracted to them at the same time. There is a lot of apprehension for me now. I seem to attract "sexuality" to my life, I'm not sure why. I'm highly sexual, but I don't know if that is why. Maybe its who I gang out with? I am guessing Mono would say yes.

I have done a few workshops to figure out how to be in regards to my sexuality now and that has helped, but this post has really made me realize some stuff KT. Thank you.

As to rushing relationships in order to *maybe* have a threesome... ? I would have to agree its probably wise to leave it all be. I can think of several things one could do FMF Without having to be intimate with the other woman. It would all have to be negotiated for me. I still doubt I would be into it though as I would find it hard to be hands off. Well maybe not if the woman is not into women. I feel like there is far to much emphasis on threesomes in poly relationships sometimes. Just as there seems to be far to much emphasis on ass fucking in porn. Is it a trend or what is really important?

Don't answer that! This thread has gone off topic enough it seems! Sorry otter!
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Last edited by redpepper; 04-26-2010 at 10:52 PM.
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