GS- thanks for making me think about stuff more... No, it's definately not the first time I haven't been the COA, come to think about it, it seems we are pretty fair with sexual attention. And I usually love to watch the two of them...
So- now I can boil it down to two things: one- it was the first time I can remember J telling me to wait and let he and S keep going with their flow, two- it was all of the other circumstances that caused me to be more sensitive to the perceived brush-off.
I talked with J some more last night and he honestly doesn't remember saying anything to me about waiting. I told him that was ok, but he had to know I was upset immedietly after she got on top. He acknowledged that he knew, but couldn't understand what I was upset about and figured I was just being dramatic. We talked about having a "stop" plan in the future, and will be discussing with S tonight.
Thanks for all of the great input! I will let you know how the convo goes!