Otter - Sorry for hijacking your thread - but be patient my answer is here somewhere.
During our experiences with swinging - I had my first sexual contact with women (all above the belt) and I loved it! I'm just now exploring if I might be bisexual, pansexual or heteroflexible (love that Ari!). A lesbian co-worker and I were just talking about this last week - with her telling me she thinks she is more bi. She said to me "When you watch Dancing with the Stars - who do you watch?" My response was "the women!" Her response was "REALLY? I look at the guys - they're hot!" I look at women as much as my husband does. When we are out - I can always tell which women he is looking at because I'm looking too - we have similiar tastes. I appreciate the beauty and sensuality of women. I love boobs - the look, the feel, the taste. I look at womens breasts all the time. I have kissed a few women - and like that too. But, I like the rough, manliness of being kissed by my husband better. I like strong muscular arms and not so much the soft arms of women. I have gone down on a woman once - and realized it's just not my thing - but I wanted to give it a try. And I did these things for myself - not just for him. The second time we had a FMF threesome - I stayed above the belt because that is what I prefer. Did my husband want me, encourage me to go down on her? Yes - but I didn't and he understands.
Originally posted by redpepper: I was confused, and insulted. They didn't get off at all for real (it lasted as long as they could stand it). It was all fake and I was left feeling hurt that the moment was all just for mens entertainment...
redpepper - I have felt the same way. The first threesome MG, my husband and I had - was planned by the two of us together. As far as I know - she had never had a threesome or been with a woman. The one thing I said to MG beforehand was to not do this for him, but because she wanted to. Prior to this - her and I had sent a series of sexual texts that turned us both on (at least I know they did for me.) So when we planned the threesome I told her to make sure because I didn't want to be anyones regret. She assured both me and my husband that she was not doing it for him. Her and I went to a movie first and kissed and held hands - trying to become comfortable with each other. We then met him at a hotel. I opened myself up to her and participated in ways that I had never done before. She seemed to enjoy it. Later, she told my husband that she had done it all for him. I felt hurt, embarrassed, lied to and used - because I had become her regret. I have no hurt feelings towards MG for that anymore because I can understand doing something just to make your SO happy. But it shouldn't be at the expense of someone else. MG - this isn't a criticism of you at all - just an explanation of how I felt at the time. I took it personally and was hurt by it. I understand why you did it though - we both have a need to want to please him.
The second time we were all together - it was all literally above the belt - and it was done as a surprise gift for my husband.
As much as he would love to have more threesomes - what guy wouldn't - I doubt it will happen again since it's not something MG is interested in. Also - after both times - I had a rough time because for me, I can seperate sex and love. I get so turned on watching my husband fuck someone else. Watching him make love to a woman he is deeply in love with - was really hard on me. It gave me a visual of how they were with each other when I'm not there. I started comparing how she was with him to how I am. It made me very self conscious when him and I made love.
Also - I think it is different with FMF - he only has one "tool" - so his attention is more focused on one of the females - causing the other to feel somewhat left out. In a MFM - which I can't wait to try - it is physically easier for the woman to be the center of attention. And I would never expect my husband to be sexually intimate with the guy. If he wanted to - I'm ok with it - but I would never expect it or be upset if it didn't happen.
Is my husband upset that MG isn't into a threesome because she isn't sexually attracted to me, or women in general? Yes. Does he pout about it? At times. Does he hope things change? Absolutely. And he makes no apologies for that.
I feel that he is "forcing" her and I to become friends and more because he loves us both and wants us to feel the same. However, it has to be a natural thing. We rushed into threesomes - instead of trying to be socially comfortable with each other first. He would love for the three of us to go out to dinner and a movie - then to a hotel and all sleep together - and I do mean sleep. Of course - he would want sex first. Which we can do with minimal contact between us.
We are a V with my husband as the hinge. Have the end points of the V been intimate? Yes. Do we play alone together? No. That is why we are a V and not a triad. See otter - I told you the answer was here.
I'm coining a new term - I'm an "above-the-belt-bisexual"