Originally Posted by EugenePoet
Yes, what MonoVCPHG and BreathesGirl wrote. Poly is not just one thing -- it's not just triads, not just group living, not just anything. It takes many forms.
Big kudos to your husband for working with you and R instead of rejecting the relationship. I mean, BIG kudos! I applaud his generosity and strength of character. (Tell him I said that.)
On your husband finding a girlfriend: Tell him it's difficult but not impossible. My personal perception is that most women in the general population who want to date view poly men as cheating playahs and are NOT interested. Ironically, I think men looking to date view poly women as easy sluts, and are VERY interested. That's my personal guess about the general population's perceptions, at least in smaller communities like mine. We live in a mono culture which does not understand poly very well at all.
If he is really interested in comparing notes on finding and dating women he can PM me, either here or on the dating site OkCupid. It might help him not to pull the plug if he can realize that it's a process and never a finished, finalized thing. Your relationships will never be exactly the way they were yesterday.
Thanks to all for the replies, they've been quite helpful. I will re-read and reply as needed this week, but for now, I wanted to respond and take EugenePoet up on his offer to PM with my husband. He expressed interest. He also said today that he has no plans to "pull the plug", but would like to have opportunities himself.