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Old 04-25-2010, 09:19 PM
saudade saudade is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 139
Default Responding to FoundtheTwo & GS

Foundthetwo, hello and welcome!

It's completely and totally normal to have moments where you feel like something's not going right, especially in a charged sexual situation, and extra especially with all the extenuating circumstances you mentioned.

The best thing I can recommend is talking with your partners to make a plan for next time one of you feels that way, so that the situation is less likely to explode.
The Ethical Slut has two great chapters in a row, one on jealousy and one on conflict, that might really help you make a plan. The authors actually recommend calling a 'time-out' (yes, really!) when you feel triggered and about to explode. Everyone knows where they're going for the next fifteen or thirty minutes, and then afterwards you do something calmer and unrelated together (watch a movie, go for a walk, whatever) and make a plan for talking later. It's a great strategy to avoid fireworks.

All in all though, don't worry that a bad night happened. Every relationship has them. Welcome to the forum!

All that said, I really need to respond to some comments by GS:
And you are probably right about the meds. Anti depressants are nasty drugs - far worse than most street drugs, and changing routines with them can upset the apple cart pretty easily. Sad fact is that as long as you are addicted to them your life is likely to be........unpredictable at best. But that's not a topic for here.
@GS: I hear that you have personal experiences with prescription medication that lead you to have a strong opinion on them. However, that does not give you the right to advise a stranger about their use on the internet. While there are many people who are taking meds that aren't helping, there are also a great many people whose lives are improved by medication. To throw around the word 'addiction' and insist that peoples' lives are likely to be "unpredictable at best" when you know almost nothing of the person you're advising, let alone all the other people who read this forum, is insensitive at best and dangerous at worst.

I'm sorry if I come off strongly here-- I have several close friends who do in fact depend on anti-depressants to avoid suicidal urges. If one of them were to read your words after missing even a day of medicine, as our reader admits she has, they might be inclined to stop medicating, and a suicide attempt would be the most likely result.

I appreciate that you wrote those words out of concern for FoundtheTwo. In your shoes, I might have written something like: "I've been in a similar situation, and I found that my medication was part of the problem. You might consider speaking with your prescribing psychiatrist about other options if your medication isn't working for you."

FoundtheTwo-- I'm sorry for hijacking your thread. GS-- I hope I haven't offended you.

In cahoots,
"I was thorough when I looked for you, and I feel justified lying in your arms." - Chasing Amy
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