Originally Posted by bovellum
Im thinking that I agree with the OP and also with you dh, though I am not sure that I see how all thoughts and actions are born of one or the other and not possibly a third option at times - pain for instance?
What if the significant other is just plain neglectful and the jealousy is not rooted in one's fear but the painful experience of their very real needs not being met? Could there not be a form of jealousy that is rooted in the pain of longing alone - sans the fear?
Whereas fear can only be experienced in regards to things that have not yet happened, the pain of longing is in the present and therefore distinct from the fear of future events. I think that maybe in this way jealousy can be real.
However, the flip side (as dh implies) is that love should still be the anti-venom on both counts - for with the fulfilling love of the self, God and the Universe, longing should not exist; jealousy (fear or longing) is conquered by love.
We've had some discussion here and other places on getting clarity on the distinction between "jealousy" and "envy" as they are often confused and that confusion can lead to inappropriate understanding and action.
"Jealousy" is indeed a fear based emotion - fear of the unknown, fear of self constructed possibilities. The possible loss of a vision that maybe only WE see.
"Envy" is a least as common. Rooted in greed and selfishness. We have wants. Someone else seems to be more successful at fulfilling their wish list. We're maybe not doing so hot. Can't be our OWN fault - must be someone else's ? And in reality - it may be that we are helping them. So we we grab the self-sacrifice card.
All emotions that conflict with the true spirit of love & giving. Not the kind of things we want or need to embrace in our life - right ?