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Old 04-25-2010, 02:47 AM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Kansas City Metro
Posts: 2,187

Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
two fold question....
1. Is there a tendency towards Newbies thinking that veterans should be more capable of over coming some of the major poly issues such as jealousy... etc.?
That, I don't know. Has anybody done any formal study of noobs to find out if that is a common expectation?

I think there are benefits to experience, certainly. My current marriage has benefited a great deal from what I learned in previous relationships, for example.

2. How do you feel about the word "leader" as far as veterans in the poly community go?
I expect it takes a great deal more than being veteran to be a leader. I know I've read material by long-time poly activists that leads me to not want them to represent me in any fashion, so I certainly don't consider them leaders of any sort, though I expect there are people who do look to them for leadership. I've also encountered veteran poly folk whom I wouldn't want giving relationship advice to anybody I value highly, as I expect their advice would do more harm than good.

So, as far as I'm concerned, "veteran" /= "leader" in any meaningful sense.
When speaking of various forms of ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
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