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Old 04-25-2010, 12:58 AM
ak2381 ak2381 is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Charleston, WV
Posts: 119
Unhappy So Much Cheating and Dishonesty

I don't understand cheating. I don't understand how someone brings themselves to that point. I'm sorry for anyone I might offend. I feel like I have read so many posts lately about those who have cheated. If you really love your wife or husband as much as you say you do, even though you love this other person, why would you do this. What on earth goes through the head to make this ok. Where is the guilt and consequences. It just adds to the pain for those of us who are mono and trying to accept this. It makes it that much harder because the trust is totally stripped away and as hard as you try to trust the poly again it feels near impossible. Every text, every phone call, every time you are not together the mono has to wonder if the poly is telling the truth. If the Poly had just been honest in the first place instead of going behind the mono's back it might not have been as hard.
It feels like the mono really doesn't have a say in what happens. The poly is going to live this lifestyle, like it or not, with whoever they want and if the spouse doesn't like it tough. The poly has already cheated. It has already happened. The mono lost all say as soon as the cheating happened and the consent was taken away.

Sorry. I am a little sentimental tonight and I am very sorry to step on toes. I know there are many of you out there that have started this way. But when I found out about my husband cheating I felt like all my choices were stripped away. I know if I had said stop with J he would have. But he had already been with her. He had already been with L and P and a few others. No one ever asked for my consent. Oh wait, J did mention she liked him. But she also reassured me nothing would ever happen. Then the I love yous started. The sex text were there, the oral sex in the cars after work. And she wasn't the first. It burns. I am trying so hard to trust him again. But when he slips up and there is another lie to add to the pile now it makes it that much harder to trust him. I just wish someone would have actually given me the choice they say I so called had. I never had a chance. And now because I love my husband and don't want to hurt him and am not willing to give up on my marriage I have to accept something without warning or consideration.

Maybe I am not doing as well as I thought. Even I have off nights I guess. I am sorry again.

KT if you are reading this I know how the boat feels. No one asked me if this woman could hop on. And while I don't feel they are trying to steer it without me. I know neither can leave the boat without the other. And when J's husband tried to make that happen and I saw that pain it hurt me so much. Because I wasn't the co-captain anymore. I wasn't able to be the one to take away that pain. And that burned so much to know I didn't have that belief anymore. J and husband are still together and they are happy and relieved. I am relieved to see husband smile, but still very much hurt that it took her to bring his smile back. Not me. J and I are friends. but sometimes I want to put her on that little lifeboat that hangs on the side and tell her to watch a little bit and leave me alone.

I am sorry again. Can't say that enough.
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