Wow, just.... WOW.
My hat goes off to anyone that can still stick by anyone that has treated them with such extreme disrespect, dishonesty, selfishness, such lack of loyalty, fidelity, self respect. I wonder where her values are at all and if she loves you or herself (I am reminded of the movie "up in the air"). Not to mention her seemingly abandoning her children and using you for a babysitter. I just wouldn't want to be with someone like that, full stop. Whether they are with me because they are cheating on someone or cheating on me. I have little to no time for those who have no integrity.
I am erring on the side that she is incredibly unhappy. Cause that is the only way I can stomach it. I am also erring on the side that you lover her and see some value in her and am trying to respect that. I'm still going to be blunt though....
I hope the two of you have read as much as you can on here and on other sites and in other books. I think you will see pretty darn quickly that she is NOT poly and that she has a long way to go. As do you. Do a search on cheating and affairs and you will find it a hot topic on here.
If I were you I would put a quick end to any going away to London bullshit and give her the very firm boundary of "if you talk on line or go anywhere with the intent to do it again, then you are gone. I will kick you out on your ass."
Next I would get yourself to counseling darn quick and start getting your relationship back. You both have the responsibility to yourselves and especially your kids to get your acts together. That means a full stop on fucking other people. If she loves you she will do this I think. Yes, that is an ultimatum I have given you but I really think for the sake of getting to the bottom of this you need to have an uncluttered relationship and take the time to focus on the two of you... this will not happen unless she stays home and concentrates. She has fucked it up royally and it should take a really long time. I don't mean this as a punishment, but that kind of cheating is extremely damaging beyond perhaps what you are realizing just yet. It could be she has damaged herself, her relationships to her kids, to you, to her idea of what is normal.
I know some of you think this is harsh, but coming from where I do and wishing someone said these things to me at some point, I think not. If it is, then so be it, hate me for it. I don't care. I feel strongly that there is much more at stake than you know of yet and I care enough about you to say so with kindness but also bluntness.
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Last edited by NeonKaos; 04-25-2010 at 01:20 AM.