View Single Post
  #8  
Old 04-24-2010, 11:27 PM
LovingRadiance's Avatar
LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alaska
Posts: 5,076
Default

I am boldly honest.

But to answer how I deal with people who can't/won't accept me for who I am-the answer holds true through all areas of my life-not just polyamory.

I tell them I'm sorry if this is too much for them, they know where to find me if and when they change their mind.
Cry my tears over the loss of them if necessary and move on.

It really really really makes for a MUCH calmer-less dramatic life.

Right now I'm ULTRA frustrated with my boyfriends method of dealing with it. Because he tends to do the "how can I possibly convince you that it's ok..." stress-out followed by hours of typing, writing, calling, arguing, meeting for dinner ETC with them.

He's almost 3 years into a battle with his stepdad over our daughter and whether or not she's "an abomination". Primarily because his stepfather is a control freak, who is also religious and believes that the woman answers to her husband. I on the other hand happen to be a VERY independent woman who raised my first child for 6 years alone, dated a woman for a year during that time, doesn't regret it, is happily married after having had an affair, raising all 4 of my kids (2 are girls) to be independent, open-minded, self-motivated, critical thinkers.
He can't STAND that I don't bow down to his two cents every time he speaks-and I can't possibly simplify my thinking enough to be capable of doing that.

SO-by trying like mad to change people into accepting creatures-my boyfriend is making not only himself miserable, but also his girlfriend and his family (both our side and his parents/siblings too).

Whereas my way the only person who is miserable is the one who decided to walk away.......

I ALWAYS leave the opening to allow a person back in my life IF and WHEN they decide that dealing with ME for who I am is something that they can handle. But I try to respect people in general enough that I accept them leaving if they can't handle me and my life...
It just seems to work SO much better that way.

Quote:
Originally Posted by otter View Post
IMO
I do not think you should tell others. What goes on in in your love life is just between you and your lover/s. What folks think about it is there problem not yours.
While I agree that my sex life is no one's business but my own.
I have a husband and a boyfriend, we live together. I sleep with both of them. Telling NO ONE would mean my children would be TOTALLY confused and risk the probability that they would feel a need to EITHER tell daddy mommy was having an affair with GG OR "lie" to daddy to protect mommy... Neither of which is healthy or reasonable.
Telling them the truth allows them to comfortably learn that it's ok to love more than one person, but there is a right way to do that and a wrong way to do that. It also allows them the comfort of knowing that we (the adults) all know what we are all doing and it's ALL OK with us-no one is lying to one another. Which allows them to see in action the benefits of honesty.
Furthermore-telling them means that they talk. So we can't just NOT say anything to other people. When your two year old says, "mommy kisses GG like that. YUCKY!" giggling-you can't just blow it off so easy-then your friends and family think that you are lying and sneaking around behind your husband. It's not comfortable for HIM if they take him out to "tell him the bad news".
Better all around to just be upfront and honest.

THAT SAID-not everyone can SAFELY do so. But more often than not-if you read around the board; the ones you can't be honest and open about who they are tend to hate it. The ones who can be honest and open about who they are feel MUCH more comfortable and accepted in their life.
__________________
"Love As Thou Wilt"

Last edited by NeonKaos; 04-25-2010 at 02:42 AM. Reason: merge posts
Reply With Quote