Well I had just married by best friend and lover of 5 years. It was great with all the shiny of new love. For me it was love at first site and I knew at meeting him he was the one.
We where just getting active in a local SCA group when I meet a guy I will call Wolf. BAm out of the blue was that feeling of true love. I was confused and upset at my self. Here I was a married and in love with some one else. I keep the feelings to my self and just moved on with my life.
Fast forwards a couple years and damn if Bear (husband) and Wolf did not become best friends. Talk about hard. By this time we had done a little swinging and I found that was not for me. Then one day Bear asked if I would try it one more time. This time with his best friend Wolf.
Wow, talk about mixed emotions. A week later after a lot of talking on Bears part we had a "date". It was mind blowing. it felt so right the 3 of us there in bed talking and sharing. For a couple months this went on I was so happy, but still had not told the guys how I felt.
Around this time a women had also come into Wolfs life and with lying to him got pregnant by him. He ended up getting married, not out of love but out of duty to his child.
We still where friends but just friends. His wife made it vary clear that he was hers and I was not even to talk to him alone. I respected that and even when they moved away I would not talk to him on the phone but past him to Bear as soon as he called.
By this time I had told my husband. I was heart broke and torn up so bad. He was so supportive. I love Bear so much but was still torn over how could I love 2 men so deeply. Over the next years he supported me and we did look for another partner but never found any one who could even come close to filling the hole in my heart.
Fast forwards to yesterday. Wolfs marriage had been on the rocks and loveless for a long time. I still did not talk to him out of respect to his marriage and not wanting to add any more flames to his relationship with his wife. He had talked to Bear about leaving her but had been wishy washy about it. As he had been really into working with fire works so I texted him about if this year he was going to work a job. ( his wife had stopped him from doing this because it took time once away from her) Bear and I where talking about where to go to the 4th and thought it would be cool to got support him if he was going to work.
He ended up calling me back and leaving a message to call him. I had not talked to him in years. I was sick to my stomach and so scared to call. Bear said just do it. We talked for a few a bit and he came out and said that the marriage was over. He told me of his plans and what he was thinking about doing for the 4th. I ended up telling him why I had not really talked in years. He was vary quite then thanked me for being such a good friend but really wished I had told him earlier. I ended the phone call with a happy "I love you" more like a friend would say to each other and he returned it. I hung up and started shacking so bad, I got sick to my stomach and was just a wreak. I am so scared to really tell him how I feel. At this point I do not know what to do. I will just keep going as I have. Loving 2 guys but never able to tell one how I really feel.