It may be hard for her because she already feels that she has done soooo much to make me comfortable, but we never talked out how things were to be done when she actually found someone.
Hindsight is20/20 so they say.
But this quote is your problem.
You each have a mental picture of how this will develop. But because you didn't discuss it-the pictures don't match. She's fighting to keep hers intact, and you are fighting to put yours together. Very conflicting goals.
You two need to sit down and create a "plan of action", or "boundary list" whatever you want to call it.
You can include this is how we'll handle the first 5 dates details or whatever the heck you want. But you need to do it together so that you both have the same expectation of events or at least compatible expectations!