I am the wife w/ the mono husband and mono boyfriend =) well he doesn't like to be called that, prefers "good friend"
It's been a little over 2 years, and my hubby still has a hard time when he knows I'm out alone w/ the other fellow. They are even friends and have been since before I came into the picture. I have a hard time understanding how he doesn't have a desire to be with other people! I think it's amazing when he says, "I don't want to be with anyone else, just you" It still makes me blush and feel special.. and amazed because that's something I never really have felt even though I can't see my life with out him. But that's a ramble. I try to make him feel that special as well, and give positive reinforcement... but it is hard, and I hate making him feel like he's not enough.. :-( It doesn't feel that way to me, more like.. doh! fell in love w/ two people! But I'm not really into the casual sexual poly aspect of things.. i could be, but its just not worth hurting my husband over recreation I guess..
I'm often planning a little bit in advance before I go out, and call up one of our mutual friends to come over and visit with him. =) He has a tendency to get depressed about the situation, then it's hard to find motivation to get up, out and do something or move from that thought... so I try to help out =) For my sake too i guess... a lil selfish? Generally I will try to get an activity started, or call someone to come hang out and get his mind off of what I'm doing or not doing and have some fun of his own! And it works really well! =) We have a few friends that enjoy brewing beer and that is always an activity that gives the reward of forgetting what I'm up to.
It just takes that first step... getting up, walking out the door to go for a walk/run. Calling someone then letting them take the lead of conversation. Picking up that paint brush, petting the dog.. ?
I tend to check in through the night via text... not sure if that's always the best idea, but I'm ALWAYS thinking about my husband and miss him when I'm out. i would love for us all to be together and just relaxed intimate and easy.. but just not at that point yet.