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Old 04-24-2010, 12:22 AM
saudade saudade is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 139
Lightbulb Thoughts on jealousy

D&C, welcome! It sounds like you're in a tricky spot. There's just one piece of advice I want to give...

First, quoting you:
Oh. I am sorry to mislead you there. I completely understand that I do not have to "be with" another woman nor is my husband expecting that. He is not pressuring me for that. I guess right now that is the only way I think I could possibly do this without feeling really jealous and wondering what was going on.
If you and your husband decide to go ahead with poly, I want you to know that you ARE going to feel jealous at some point-- and that's okay. Like every other "negative" feeling, it's irrational and it's going to happen sometimes, no matter what you and your husband do. The important thing is to be able to work through it somehow.

Here are links to two amazing articles (same author, same site-- lots of great stuff elsewhere on there if you're interested) on jealousy in poly relationships-- they go from the basis that feeling jealousy is a big sign from your brain telling you that something needs fixing. That 'thing' could be the relationship, or your husband's behavior, or your perception of a situation, or anywhere in between.

The best advice I can give you, if you decide to keep investigating poly possibilities, is to be open to a variety of possibilities. Everything has potential to trigger jealous feelings, but it's possible to work through that jealousy with lots of communication and slow baby steps.

Thanks for sharing, and good luck! Keep posting-- we're here for you.

In cahoots,
"I was thorough when I looked for you, and I feel justified lying in your arms." - Chasing Amy
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