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Old 04-23-2010, 10:10 PM
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idealist idealist is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Deep South
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Default Idealist Poly Blog Part 15- thoughts about healthy and dysfunctional relationships

This has been a pretty good week!
Charles and Holland have been out of state for a wedding and it’s been good because I need some space from them. They are not at the emotional level which I desire. They are really quite dysfunctional and pretty codependent etc. But….now that they are gone, I realize how much I really do love them. Love is just a really strange and funny thing. You can’t predict it. But, no matter how much I love them, it just makes more sense for me to get some emotional distance from them.

It’s interesting how when I was younger, I participated in dramatic relationships based on impulsive reactions to emotional and sexual chemistry. I never considered whether or not these relationships were “healthy” or “good for me” etc. As a result, I ended up suffering a great deal. Then- after years of therapy etc. I began to avoid making impulsive decisions about relationships and started being more discerning about whom I got involved with. That has resulted in some very rewarding connections. But, I think I miss the impulsiveness. And that is why I fell in love with Charles. Because he is pure impulse. Now- his life is totally f*cked because of it. So, when I met him, I realized that he was not someone I should get involved with, but I made a conscious decision to do it anyway…. with some established boundaries. One of the boundaries was that he would need to find a primary lover. I was on his first date with Holland and I told him “yep….she’s your match”…..and she is!!!! Now, when he f*cks up, she bails him out. I’m on the periphery just observing those aspect of his life. But anyway.....apparently, when it has to do with Charles and Holland, the game for me apparently has become a game of playing with fire without being burned.

So……about tonight.....I am on several dating sites but I am so picky that I only occasionally actually meet anyone in person. But….tonight I have a date with a guy I have been talking with this week. He has really planed this date to be something special and that’s nice. He has chosen a really nice restaurant and has reserved a special booth near the piano. We plan on going dancing after we eat! From his photo, he looks pretty attractive and we seem to be pretty emotionally compatible. He is just out of a 12 year relationship, and just starting to date again. I think I’m his first date since the breakup and they were together for 12 years. I have explained my lifestyle to him. He knows I have 3 local male lovers and one that lives out of state. I have told him about Katherine and how we have talked about finding a guy that we can have a relationship with. He says he’s never been the jealous type, so I guess he feels like he’s up for considering the poly lifestyle.

I may be spending the day on Sunday with Katherine. She is on the emotional level that I desire and as a result, our relationship is moving very slowly. I introduced her to a guy last Sunday while we were at the Festival and they are going out tonight! I had gone out with him before, but didn’t really feel compatible with him, but she likes him, so…..you never know!!!! I like him well enough to date the two of them if they approach me about it. If I hit it off with this guy I’m seeing tonight, I will consider introducing him to Katherine also!!
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The key to life is in being fully engaged and peacefully detached simultaneously and authentically in each moment.

Last edited by idealist; 04-23-2010 at 10:12 PM.
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