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Old 07-10-2009, 10:19 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
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I feel as if I need to expand... I come from a small family who immigrated to Canada before I was born. I never had extended family near and the extended family I have is, on one side, very disfunctional. My mum spent a large part of my childhood mourning the loss of a blood family she never was really a part of and my dad was largely indifferent to the blood family he left behind.

When I met my husband I fell in love with him partly because of his family. They all live in the same area. They don't really hang out it turns out and I was a bit disappointed. Somehow at sometime I decided to chose my family and as a result we have a very close heart family.

Mono is the newest member and the closest to me besides my husband. I expect that, as life always does, there will be changes. Some I know will happen, but there is a large part of the future that is a mystery and I'm okay with that. Eventually mono and I will increase our comittment somehow and my husband possibly will find another woman to love in addition to me, but for now we are settling into the changes with the addition of mono and monos adding us to his life. Essentially, life in a "V."

Because we have a child I want to be sure that he is taken care of in terms of stability. We have had one person leave our family before as she was the partner of one of our members and left when the relationship ended. I don't want him ever to be crushed because of my blind trust. That has been my mistake over and over again in the past.

Needless to say I am very happy and will be content to live out my days on the path that is laid out before me. I love my men deeply and my boy and my intimate friends more than anything as they make me feel like home; secure and completely free to be what I am and what I can be. I am so thankful.
Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I simply had an inkling that I needed more to ever be happy in a relationship. I didn't think of anything in particular but asked that I be able to love someone/s more and over and above my husband. I knew that after 10 years of identifying as a lesbian I would begin to miss women again and also could not see myself only having sex with the one man I married for the rest of my life.

I guess I don't ever think in terms if concrete, just ask for what will be enough and for what will make me feel satisfied. In harming none and helping all. I do this with everything... I need to have healthy food and a roof over my head etc.... I need to feel like I am moving forward in life too and accomplishing happiness, good health, satisfaction and the feeling of wealth that comes with that. If I do everything in terms of making sure I feel like that and keep others in mind there is nothing that can stop me. It has never failed me.

I have not come into poly because of trying to make it fit me and I have not tried to make certain scenarios fit. I have tried to make certain people fit, I will admit to that, but am learning and have been taught many lessons so far. I leave it up to my fate and good faith that what happens is meant to be and is what is good for everyone around me. What else is there really.
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