RP-IMHO I do not think you were harsh...you actually sound alot like our counselor and my bf. I appreciate your perspective and bluntness. It actually makes it so much clearer when someone else (outside of us) describes our situation because really our situation is no different than anyone else's.
KT- When I said in counseling that PJ should let you and I steer the boat, I was only half kidding. He loves us both and he thinks he is in charge.
He really isn't. If he had his way we would both be dutiful deckhands without a peep as to where we go.
But in reality, you and I have been commandeering this thing directly or passively, happily or hysterically. So really, at this point, we are all making decisions: to stay, to go, to sail, to dock, to sit in the dingy and pout. For the most part, I feel like a priveleged guest on this boat that you and PJ built. I think you were brave to let me on, I just wish you would apply that same confidence in other areas of this situation, and your life. You need to realize your own value: you are a sweet, selfless soul who has the love of her husband and children. You have my sincere admiration because I know I could not be as accomodating. That is something I am still learning. I hope that you can accept my active nature and know that I have nothing but sincere hope that we become like family. You should not live vicariously through someone else. It is impossible to do that without feeling some kind of loss or jealousy. So take this opportunity to live your own life and take a journey you never imagined because it just may be more exciting and fulfilling than the one you planned. Now that we are at deep sea there is no turning back. We have this one boat (I am hoping that my P is ready to get on the boat too) and though at times it may seem the quarters are a bit tight, in the long haul it may be better that the four of us work together to make the trip as happy as we can possibly make it. Who cares what direction it sails if we all arrive at some paradise?
Thanks for inviting me to share my perspective.
(And a special shoutout to Ari and Mono for giving me divergent male points of view- it helps!