So, first of all, to be fair, though treated, I'm still struggling with a great deal of depression and anxiety, but I can't help but wonder why I got no replies to my OP (something like new to this forum, root of a V relationship). My husband and my bf are so incredibly important to me, and I need help making this work. My husband is incredible--he is in FL taking care of his parents who both just had surgery and knew I was having a lot of trouble dealing with the difficult news about his Dad and *he* called my bf and asked him to come and be with me.
Previously, he had been told that we weren't polyamorous b/c he and R didn't have a relationship. Truthfully, that may never really develop, but I do think that they both very much appreciate the role the other plays in my life. I'm not going to push them to step outside their comfort zone just b/c of how someone defines what "counts" as a poly relationship. Sorry, I sound defensive; there's tons more to the story including flying accusations from my dear mother that I'm cheating on my dh behind his back when in fact he has consented to us having a sexual relationship.
I just want him to be truly happy with this arrangement too and feel really lost in it all. I shouldn't complain--I have two fantastic men who love me, but being the root has its challenges as well.
I really hope someone replies....