I don't know what the hell is going on right now, and it's really getting to me. Don't take someone with anxiety disorder who you know is prone to jumping to worst case scenario and suddenly stop communicating with them...
First, the good bit. I had a date with S2 Monday night, and it was awesome. On Sunday, I had an issue because of something Hubby said that sounded to me like he was accusing me of fucking everything in sight. (He said it was a joke. I said jokes are usually FUNNY.) So Monday, I was reluctant to even see S2 because I was still stung by Hubby's comment and worried about what Hubby was going to think of me for going out with someone else.
But the date went completely great. The second I met up with S2, I was immediately comfortable and relaxed, just like on our first date. We went out to dinner, which almost ended in a very embarrassing manner when the zipper to the pocket where I stash my condoms broke open and stuff started falling out... Fortunately, the condoms stayed put. I'm not ashamed of carrying them, but that doesn't mean I want everyone in a crowded restaurant to see them! Then S2 and I went back to his place, and it was just plain good. Easy. Comfortable. We're going to see each other again soon; we aren't sure when exactly, but he mentioned wanting to try to get a day off from work so we could spend an entire day together.
The day after the date, I went into the city to have my daughter cut my hair at the beauty school she attends. In the middle of downtown Boston, dodging people on their lunch hours and myriad tourists, I ran--almost literally--into S2. Which amused me because of the improbability factor.
But the bad...
Guy called me Monday morning, and I said something that I intended as teasing but it came across the wrong way. I apologized, and he said we were good. (It was about him moving in with Hubby and me someday, nothing insulting or anything.)
Other than a couple of pokes on Facebook, I haven't heard from him since. He isn't answering my calls or messages. He *might* be at home this week; I know he's transitioning from one work location to another, and sometimes he's home during transition weeks. But I don't remember him telling me he would be home, and since he isn't answering my messages, he hasn't answered the one I sent last night asking whether he was at home.
If I knew for a fact that he's home, the lack of communication wouldn't bother me. His ex-wife doesn't know about me, and for the sake of his son, Guy needs to keep it that way for now. It's the not knowing that's really getting to me. I don't know if he's home, or if he's still upset about what I said Monday, or if something else is going on that's preventing him from communicating. And I'm supposed to fly out to visit him on August 4. Now I'm wishing I hadn't already bought the plane ticket, because I have the horrible feeling I'm going to have to cancel the trip, and the ticket is non-refundable...
I hope I'm wrong. I know that I have anxiety disorder and depression, and that those screw massively with my perception of reality sometimes. Hubby and Best Friend both told me they're sure there's nothing to worry about, that Guy loves me and if I had done something wrong, he would tell me. I'm trying to believe them, but... like I said, it isn't as much the lack of communication that's bothering me as the lack of knowing WHY. If Guy *is* home, he'll be starting his next work location on Monday, so I should hear from him by then. If I don't hear from him, I'm going to assume the worst, because I don't know what else to think.
Me: 44, cis-het female, poly
Hubby: my husband, 42, monogamous
S2: my "attachment", male, 44, undetermined
Best Friend: male, 38, platonic; the one who keeps me sane through all this!
My daughters: Alt (age 19) and Country (age 16)
S2's sons: Spikes (age 9) and Beads (age 6)