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Old 04-22-2010, 07:55 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Forgive me if I am wrong, and I won't know until I hear from your husband, but this could sound a little whiney and selfish.

To me a self identified woman, who is independant, would have her own boat and a house on shore to come home to. Somewhere she can meet with those she loves. She would be travelling along with her husband and his boat and making plans to go places but also having ones own plans to travel. Why shouldn't he have plans to hang with others? Why don't you? Who do you spend your time with? What do you do that is your own? What are your plans? What do you do that is all yours? How are you working on getting your own needs met?

It sounds to me like it could also of gone something like...

They were making plans for our boat, getting all excited and stuff. They wanted to know my thoughts and I got overwhelmed with this other person making plans with us. Instead of asking them to slow down so I could catch up, I got jealous, I got frustrated and began to feel left out so I *chose* to see it as my husband didn't care about our 19 years together. I *chose* to resent it all, even though they said I was a huge part of the plans and wanted to make them together. I *chose* to tie myself to the boat and sit in my dingy and pout with my arms crossed over my chest. They told me to come back in the boat but I decided I liked pittying myself better and blaming them for my feelings. When the boat started to move forward in a different direction (because it had to move somewhere), I got to say, "HA, told you you weren't thinking about me! This is exactly what I have been saying! You are leaving me out." Even if it could be you that has *chosen* to not engage them.

Really they could just be stumped as to what to do with you. Eventually, if you don't decide to take your own needs into your own hands, because no one else can do that for you but you, and assume they are making the right choices for you, they will move forward. They may just cut you lose. Why would they want to have that weight dragging behind them forever. Of course you could then *chose* to whine and pout and say "I told you so!" and wonder what you did wrong for the rest of your life. Or think they are uncaring assholes. I have seen that with many broken marriages where the two involved don't look at how they participated in the break up but just blame the ex.

If in fact this is what is happening here. Again, I would need to know from hubby what the deal is as far as he is concerned. I don't even care what MG says, in fact, if you are wise MG, I would not engage in this at all if I were you. To me it sounds like picking a fight that is not yours. It sounds like this is something between the OP and her husband.

If it were me? I would shut up and take a break until they sorted it out. I wouldn't want any of this on my head. I would head off in my own boat and go have my own adventure for a bit.

Just my two cents, for what its worth. Hope it at least makes you think about it all differently.
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