OMG I just accidentally deleted my post. *tries not to throw things*
It's been a few months and much has changed for me. I went through a very traumatic dissolution of a friendship and moved into a new apartment. The shifts have been quick-fast, and so has played on my psychological well-being quite a bit, but I've pressed on because fuck it. There's life to be lived.
I had what I'd like to call a back-to-the bottom conversation with Lior last night. I label it back-to-the-bottom because it recalls many of the feelings I experienced with the upheaval of Petra and Lior's beginnings.
It was only yesterday that I was made aware that he decided to go ahead and date her. I was made aware of this a month and a half after he made the decision. I can't say that I was outraged; just in disbelief that something like that would be kept from me. Because last time I checked it wasn't a high standard to anticipate that a change of that nature would be brought to my attention IMMEDIATELY, knowing the strife this pairing has caused already and the view I have of it. But somehow when I said I didn't wanna hear shit about her, that translated to "If you decide to make her your girlfriend, I don't wanna know". And to that I say, you gotta be fucking kidding me.
I'm confused about why I have to spell things out that happen to be common fucking sense. Is it not common fucking sense that when I decide to date someone, I let him know, because WE are in an existing relationship? What about that expectation makes me high and mighty? What about that expectation makes me judgmental?
Why is there a constant go-around, come-around, an insistence on just not wanting to follow any kind of fucking guidelines about this shit? Has it not become obvious that guidelines are IMPORTANT to the HEALTH of everyone and every connection? What is it about trying to justify not wanting to abide by ANYTHING?
I can't wrap my head around any of it. The excuses are blowing my fucking mind. Like even if I wrote out a goddamn agreement, Lior would sign it and later say some stupid shit like, "Well, you can't always go by the manual."
To be honest I feel like an idiot. Here I am thinking that we will be able to come together and speak on what's crucial about our version of poly going forward, and the trash he brought in the house is still stinking it up and I had no clue, since I didn't smell it.
And yes, I consider people who make deliberately fucked-up decisions that disrespect the very nature of their connection to someone else as trash. But I don't expect anything different, because she got shelter from the rain the first time, so why not this time too?