Everyone deserves a say in where their lives are heading. It sucks to have no control over aspects of your life. There are things that are always going to be beyond your control but it shouldn't be everything in a partnership. You shouldn't have to feel like you're just along for the ride in something that you've been building for the past 19 years.
Although it wasn't a relationship that made me feel this way in our marriage my husband's new career really made me feel like I was just along for the ride in our lives together. It took a few years for me to find what I did have control over. I hope that you will find the same thing.
Everything will be ok in the end. If it's not ok it's not the end.