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Old 04-22-2010, 01:53 PM
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KatTails KatTails is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2010
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Default Boat Analogy for Married Woman in Vee Relationship

For those of you who aren't aware of my story - my husband and I have been married for 14 years, together 19. Last year he fell in love with a married co-worker. It's been a rough year with many ups and downs. I accept that they are in love - but I'm strugglng with her becoming a bigger part of our personal lives and the future they are planning. This has caused me to reevaluate everything I thought our marriage was and the plans we made for our future. I came up with this analogy the other day to try to explain to my husband and his GF (MorningGlory629) how their relationship was making me feel and why I am having such a hard time accepting the future they are planning. I hope it helps others to understand as well.

More than 19 years ago my husband and I started building a boat together. It took us about 5 years, but we finally finished the boat and set sail on a journey together. Throughout the years, we have made many additions, changes and improvements to the boat to make it stronger, sturdier and more reliable. All along - we have made these decisions and changes together.

Last year, my husband asked me if he could take MG out on a short boat ride. I was upset, hurt, uncomfortable and jealous, but I trusted that my husband would stay on the course we were headed and would only take a few small trips with MG. However, after a few trips together, they fell in love. I was devastated! I couldn't possibly understand how her and I would fit on the boat together.

Because my husband is my life, I eventually agreed to invite MG to stay on our boat. It wasn't an easy transition, but I tried as best as I could to be accepting and understanding. During the next few months - I tried to keep our boat on it's original course. As hard as I tried to keep the boat going in the same direction, it slowly started changing direction almost without me knowing it. Instead of going East towards the destination that my husband and I mapped out 14 years earlier, we are now going North, the route my husband and MG have chosen to take instead. Instead of steering the boat together with my husband, I have been thrown into the dingy and told to hang on and go where they have chosen.

I'm still allowed to go on the trip with them, I'm just not allowed to ask questions, worry about where we are going or to have an opinion on how to get there. I'm told that I am still needed on the boat, that my husband is still committed to owning the boat with me - but that I am not allowed to steer or map out alternative routes. This is not a destination I would have ever chosen for myself and I'm angry and resentful that they decided this new route together without my input.

My choices are to make myself comfortable in the dingy and accept, without complaining, this new destination, to jump ship and let the current take me where it may, or to drown.

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