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Old 07-18-2014, 03:18 PM
LadyEm LadyEm is offline
New Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 4
Default Hello from the Mono in a Mono/Poly Relationship

Hello! I'm LadyEm. I'm a thirtysomething living in San Francisco with my husband, Kid #1, and baby-to-be. My husband and I opened up our marriage a little over a year ago. We were high school sweethearts and will be married for 11 years this month.

Our open marriage discussions started several years ago, when he was traveling a lot for work and I was pregnant with our first kid. Being high school sweethearts neither of us had ever even kissed another person, so it was a big idea. But he's a social butterfly night owl, and my reclusive let's-just-chill-at-home-tonight-every-night personality sort of made him feel caged.

We started out swinging, which just wasn't for me. It wasn't the sex, it was the late-night lifestyle. I'm an early bird, and going to parties where the action doesn't even start until after midnight just did not do well for my physical and mental well-being. Plus, we have a toddler, and guess who gets to wake up every morning at 6:30? Yeah, that wasn't working.

After I dropped out of the swinging scene, he started dating other women. At first it was just casual, but he found he really liked the emotional connection of a relationship. A few months ago, he met a really sweet, wonderful girl, K, who he really clicked with, and she became his "girlfriend." None of us was really looking for this type of relationship, but we sort of fell into it.

Now I'm trying to grapple with being a mono in a mono/poly relationship. It's an emotional roller coaster, and I never know what the next day will bring. I completely agree with the philosophy that it is possible to love more than one person and that love begets more love, but since I haven't yet been in more than one relationship I struggle with being the "odd one out" in a poly relationship. I have been trying to reach out to local support groups since I don't have anyone in my life I can talk to about our situation except for DH and K. Sometimes you just need a third (fourth?) perspective, you know?

Anyway, normally I'm a pretty positive and happy person but I'm just going through a tough transition to this new "normal". Any advice, resources, or support is greatly appreciated!

One thing, I identify now as mono, but I don't think that it's, like, a permanent thing. I would like to date and make friends and have other relationships, but right now with my "being in a family way" (5 months along as of this post) I just don't see that as safe or possible. Maybe in a year or two once I'm back to my "fighting weight" I might break out in the scene. The beauty of life is you make your own opportunities!
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